“Sex comes to most of us with a twist”
- Iris Murdoch
When you think about your sexual likes and fantasies, are they set in stone? Do you sometimes find yourself imagining doing something you’ve never done before, something you’ve never even really thought of doing before now? Perhaps the particular things that bring you pleasure shift regularly according to what mood you are in, what you need, maybe even what the weather is doing. Me? I suppose I’m somewhere in between. Like most people, I have particular things that I know I like. I write about these things on my website and blogs in the hope of attracting like-minded lovers (spoiler alert - it works!) and generally they remain a stable part of my sexuality. Naturally, I also find my attention pulled in new directions from time to time, and I find this exciting, very exciting. It usually begins with noticing a change in the porn that I’m watching; I’m actually quite the creature of habit in terms of my masturbatory activities and if there’s one single area of my life that I’m hyper organised in, it’s religiously bookmarking scenes that get me off. So that I have plenty of reliable sources to return to in the future, of course. But every so often, I find myself searching beyond the horizons of my well curated wank bank and turning to new things, things that sometimes catch me by surprise. One example I briefly referenced in a previous blog is CGI porn; something I was never remotely interested in until a year or so ago, at which point it became the only visual thing that could get me off. For a while, anyway. At this moment in time, I fuel my self gratification with a gorgeous mix of CGI, trusty old favourites, and a new secret third genre that you’ll just have to wonder about.
(Animation by ITAlessio)
Sometimes these fluctuations in viewing habits (and, by extension, sexual proclivities) remain things I explore purely by myself, sometimes they spill out into my sex life with others. But one thing that I find so uniquely thrilling about being an escort is that it is not only my own fantasies that I explore. In fact, I would say I spend much more time, percentage-wise, being invited into other people’s kinks and fantasies and boy, do I love being a tourist. I have had the privilege of being an active participant in the biggest variety of fetishes and preferences imaginable and, in doing so, I’ve realised new kinks of my own, perhaps previously destined to remain undiscovered were it not for this strange and wonderful life of mine. Constantly being exposed to new things really does keep my appetite for sex whet* (ahem) and it recently occurred to me that so many people go through their entire lives without real sexual adventure - what a travesty! But, if you do have the good fortune of realising the pleasure in experiencing different things with different people - seize the day!
I’m often struck by just how regularly I encounter something I have never explored before. Even now, having dedicated most of my adult life to the pursuit of pleasure in all its forms, from time to time I will have a request in my inbox for me to join someone in an activity I’ve yet to engage with. Of course, there are things that I have never explored that I simply do not have a desire to, and so I try where possible to pass these types of requests to girlfriends; I don’t believe in forcing oneself to do something simply for the sake of doing it. But, far more often than not, I’m intrigued, excited and aroused at the prospect of a new adventure. One such invitation arrived a couple of months ago, and I was so blown away by the ensuing experience that I knew I would eventually write a whole blog inspired by it (though I didn’t anticipate it taking me quite this long to actually get around to it…spank me, daddy). The actual activity itself isn’t really important (though I’m sure you’d all like to know - sorry, a girl doesn’t kiss and tell!); the important thing is that it was something I hadn’t explored before, though it was something I’d heard a lot about and even developed somewhat of an eye-roll type attitude towards to be perfectly honest. What made me accept the request? I’m not totally sure; the fact that I had met this person before and that those prior experiences had been hot certainly helped, but it was also recognising that something in me felt compelled to at least try what he was proposing, however resistant I might have been to it previously.
Having read my blogs and, I suppose, made suitable assumptions about my sex life, I suspect that you might now be thinking that this new thing must have been something wild, something that only true deviants and perverts do. On the contrary, it was actually something not particularly uncommon, and yet still it had remained outside of my radar all this time. When I talk of trying new things, I don’t necessarily mean Fifty Shades on steroids; even things we traditionally think of as being ‘vanilla’ can be tremendously, toe-curlingly incredible if they are new to you. As this activity was to me. As the date approached, I found myself thinking about it more and more and, by the morning of, the anticipation was electric. I tend not to write about specific encounters on my blog as I do generally believe that keeping something special that happens between two people private retains the magic of that moment, and so I will avoid doing so here, too. Suffice to say, it was a stand-out experience, one that will remain in my memory (and my hippocampus-aided rubtub**) for a long time to come (plus, I have round 2 to look forward to very soon!). But perhaps what stood out as much as the experience itself was the fact that, for weeks afterwards, my sex drive was outrageously intensified, feverishly fuelled by that one new encounter. It occurred to me that perhaps it is not just in established relationships that we need to ‘spice things up’ from time to time; we can also treat our personal sex life as a continuous adventure that we must not allow to stagnate. In seeking new thrills, new people, new activities, we gift ourselves with renewable excitement and, in turn, each new thing radiates passion back into even those types of sex we engage with so often that they threaten to become routine. When all is said and done, there is great value in familiarity. Regular sex with regular partners can be uniquely exceptional because of its cosiness, its intimacy, its lack of novelty. Seeking new things here and there is not mutually exclusive of this idea; it is simply like giving a marathon runner a drink of water and maybe a gummy bear or two every few miles to re-load, re-fuel and, most importantly, re-invigorate.
“He’d noticed that sex bore some resemblance to cookery: it fascinated people, they sometimes bought books full of complicated recipes and interesting pictures, and sometimes when they were really hungry they created vast banquets in their imagination - but at the end of the day they’d settle quite happily for egg and chips. If it was well done and maybe had a slice of tomato.”
- Terry Pratchett, The Fifth Elephant
* yes, I know it should be ‘whetted’. But ‘whet’ is funnier to me.
** a female version of ‘wank bank’. You learn something new every day.