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Prelude

Writer's picture: Darla BlakeDarla Blake

Well hello again! And happy new year; I hope that your Christmas period was restful and full of cheer (or cheese, hopefully both). It’s now - remarkably; is it really quarter of a century since the Millenium?! - 2025, and it’s that time of year when resolutions still have some power, some energy to propel, having not been made quite long enough ago to have been completely forgotten about.


It seems appropriate that it is at this time that I must contemplate my next piano project, having reached the stage where I will soon begin to learn something new. Always a very exciting prospect, as well as a nice cosy sanctuary for my mind to wander around in; I get all the enjoyment of imagining myself playing something fantastic but don’t yet have to do any of the hard work involved in making that a reality. Near the top of my list of contenders are Chopin’s Preludes, a set of 24 smaller pieces exploring every colour of the heart, note by note. They have always been a favourite of mine, and are certainly on my ‘bucket list’ of pieces I’d like to study at some point.


This morning, as I sat with my coffee thinking about the topic of what comes next yet again, a million different music books in hand, a thought struck me. And then, like most of the thoughts that strike me, that thought led me to another thought; the first thought’s naughtier cousin. The first thought: Why are they called preludes if they are not an introduction to something, but rather a standalone cycle in and of themselves? Well, it turns out that Chopin sort of revolutionised the idea of a prelude; something which formerly had always acted as a short precursor to The Main Event. But that’s a nerdy topic for another day, and not at all what we are here to discuss. Because, naturally, thinking about things that lead to something else, I ended up here, music books cast aside, writing a blog about foreplay.


Foreplay; sex’s exquisite prelude. But what is it, exactly? A few moments of obligatory and somewhat awkward fumbling filled with impatience before someone finally whips out a condom? Something that men get told they have to do to make us women happy? Some mystical, magical thing that only sex gods know how to do so the rest of us can just sort of forget about it? 


No, it’s something MUCH better than that. 


Honestly, in the first few years of having sex, foreplay was something I could take or leave. I was always too excited to get to the penetrative sex part of things, always too in a rush to reach the final goal. But over the last few years, a number of mind blowing experiences have completely changed (revolutionised!) the way I think about foreplay, and how much I value it - not only as a prelude to sex, but as something to be enjoyed entirely for its own sake. I have long been a big fan of the tease, something I’ve written about here before, but I never really thought about foreplay being exactly that; a tease, in every sense of the word. Not only something which makes one long for the thing which is yet to come, but also something which teases out pleasure in our bodies and our minds, a kind of mutual ‘let’s make each other feel really fucking good’. During foreplay, oxytocin and dopamine, the so-called ‘happy hormones’ are released and blood is directed to parts of the body which help sex to feel enjoyable. But, biology aside, foreplay is also a time for establishing deep connection, for being intimately together with your lover, before the all consuming rush of sexual intercourse takes over.


So, what does foreplay look like? I suppose this is part of its mystique, because the truth is that it looks different depending on who you are doing it with, and what they enjoy (and what you enjoy together). For some, it can be a slow exploration of the body; a kissing of the neck, an unbuttoning of a blouse, a light brush of the soft skin at the top of the thighs, a working your way from head to toe, oh so slowly. It can also be talking to each other; expressing what you enjoy, what you like to do, what you want to do to one another. This can be on the sofa over a glass of wine, my legs draped over yours as you run your hand over them, or it can be whispers in bed, soft or frantic. Then, it can be teasing the parts of your lover’s body that help them to feel aroused, perhaps with your hand, a toy, or perhaps with your mouth - the possibilities are endless.  It can involve blindfolds, bondage, feathers, Hitachi wands, or it can simply involve you and the person you are with. 


Never feel awkward about asking what you can do to help a lover become aroused; often people feel shy about expressing exactly what they like to a sexual partner, but being asked can be such a great way to allow someone to open up. And, in my experience, this ALWAYS leads to better sex. AND, in a beautiful coincidence, talking about what gets you off, what gets her off, is often brilliant foreplay in and of itself. 


My own desires during foreplay vary depending on who I am with, and the type of dynamic I have with them. Experience has taught me that taking time for foreplay definitely allows me to enjoy sex more thoroughly; my body feels more sensitive, my senses more alert, and above all I feel more connected to the person I am having sex with. Which - perhaps I’m becoming old fashioned - is something increasingly important to me. I don’t want cold sex, I want the kind of sex that leaves me on cloud nine for days, sex which makes me feel alive. And foreplay, whatever form it may take, helps me to get there. Even (sometimes especially!) if the foreplay is the end goal, the main event. Because really, foreplay is a part of sex, not merely something which leads to it. 


Anyway, I suppose I’d better get back to Chopin, unless you want to come and take my mind elsewhere for a while? ;)              



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