One of the things that I most love about sex work is the opportunity to explore things that other people enjoy and, in doing so, I often end up discovering new colours in my own sexual palette. I am currently preparing to write a blog about what it actually is that I enjoy (well, when I say ‘preparing’, I mean writing in Notes on my phone ‘what do I like??’ and staring at it aimlessly once in a while. Still…), but a few sessions recently have inspired me to write this blog first, having been reminded of an activity that I enjoy immensely; toy/dildo play.
An article in the Daily Mail suggests that “the term dildo was first coined in around 1400 AD and originated from the Latin for ‘dilatare’, which means ‘open wide’, and the Italian for delight, which translates as ‘diletto.”
I can’t seem to find too much that backs up the Latin part of that assertion (hardly surprising, given that it’s in the Mail, but I liked it so thought I’d keep it in anyway…no pun intended), but it does seem quite widely accepted that the Italian word for delight inspired the name for our inanimate phallic friends. It is also slightly unclear when dildos began to be used; archeologists have tried to explain ancient penis shaped tools (snort) away, even calling them ‘ice age batons’, whilst all the whores at the back cried out ‘it’s a DILDO’!
From beautiful bronze phalluses (with flared bases, no less; strap-on, anyone?) found in the Chinese city of Yizheng in the Jiangsu province - dating back around 2000 years - to talk of breadstick dildos (shudder) being used in Ancient Greece, it seems that the use of the dildo as a sexual aid is not at all a new concept.
As time went on, technology advanced (along with our dildo demands) and sex toys became more complex, safer to use, and more beautiful. Many different materials are used in the modern day dildo, from glass, to wood, to stone, to silicone etc etc. The sex toy industry is now booming, and set to be worth £27 billion by next year, presumably because more people than ever are using toys, both with their partners and for their own personal pleasure. I remember my own introduction to a Real Life Dildo was during a secret expedition to the back part of Ann Summers as a sex crazed (but sex deprived) catholic teenager with my lesbian best friend, who knew more about these sorts of things than I did. As we snuck in, I remember feelings of shame and embarrassment washing over me as I looked around at what seemed like hundreds of sex toys. I felt my cheeks burning at the thought of people seeing me here, and yet I couldn’t look away. The concept of using a toy specifically designed for sexual pleasure was one I was vaguely familiar with, but it still seemed so alien, especially given that, at that time, I would only ever allow myself to masturbate manually and discreetly in the bathtub, believing that these early sexual exploits were ‘cleaner’ if they were washed away and forgotten about as soon as I pulled the plug. Having so many different kinds of sex toy right in front of me felt liberating and, although I didn’t have the courage/ability to shut down worries of hellfire enough to actually buy one, I started experimenting with buying inoffensive miscellaneous items that were, sometimes somewhat ambiguously, ‘the right shape’. This felt safer than buying an actual dildo, and I’m sure God would look more favourably on an empty travel shampoo bottle than he would Doc Johnson’s Vac-U-Lock CodeBlack Jumbo Jack Man O’War.
My early experiments with dildo(ish) shaped objects ultimately led me to believe that I didn’t much enjoy penetration - perhaps a given, considering the tools I was using. I did not use sex toys of any description after these first few fumbles, until the day a beautiful American dominatrix tied me up and used a magic wand vibrator on me when I first came to London (long story). It felt like my brain was exploding; what had I been missing all of these years?! The pleasure was so pure, so complete. The next day, with a renewed sense of determination, I went to a sex toy shop and bought myself my very first dildo; a purple jelly double ended thing that didn’t do nearly as much for me as I’d hoped. Not until it was used in my mouth, anyway, but that’s another story…
I eventually gave in and bought myself a wand vibrator and, from that point on, never again used a dildo as part of my masturbatory habits (chronic habits, some might say). I kind of forgot about their existence until I began sex work, and had to buy myself a few bits just in case I needed them. I remember distinctly the first session I had where he wanted to use a dildo on me. This felt entirely different to using one on myself; this felt objectifying, exhilarating. Even today, as I’m writing this, I’m not sure I can entirely put my finger on what it is that makes someone else using a dildo on me so much more pleasurable and exciting than using one on myself but, for me, it’s chalk and cheese. Good cheese.
Holding still, spread open, in whatever position he has just told me to be in, waiting for him to select a toy from my fairly vast collection to use on me, is decidedly an act of humiliation for me, but I like it. A lot. There is something so delicious about knowing that any pleasure he derives from fucking me like this is psychological in nature; somehow the detachment between him and me makes it feel more…predatory…in nature, which adds to the intensity. As for being fucked ‘the normal way’ afterwards, in between, during…give it all to me.
I have now made it my life’s mission to regularly renew my stock of dildos, always on the lookout for something new and exciting. And beautiful, naturally. I tend to favour softer dildos over hard ones, soft silicone being my favourite material. I enjoy different shapes, though I must profess that I don’t enjoy a curved G-spot style toy as much as so many of my female friends seem to - who knows why.
The beautiful thing for me about a session involving dildo play, besides the dildo play in and of itself, is not knowing which ones you like, which ones you might pick out. And, since I still don’t use dildos in my ‘alone time’ sexual shenanigans, there are still, even to this day, dildos in my cupboard that I have never experienced, and have no idea what they will feel like. Maybe you should help me try them?
*I thought up many different titles to this blog, and clearly went with the less classy option. I apologise, I couldn't help myself.